This week I start back at appointments. Some of the ‘regulars’ - blood work, oncology. Plus a breast ultrasound and a mammogram. I’ll take those any day over the Christmas Eve trans-vaginal ultrasound. Hopefully the dentist on Wednesday - assuming I pass my blood work - and then meeting with a plastic surgeon to discuss DIEP flap Friday. Highly recommended, one of the best in the area. See what they have to say.
Then the real reality will start. I have to make a decision soon about my surgery. Flat or DIEP? I have to stay healthy until all this is done. I have to start working out soon after I’m done with my drugs in February. All studies point to being physically active will make surgical recovery a little easier. Maybe.
If I go flat, I’ll need to try to mentally prepare myself for menopause since we’ll do the double mastectomy and the reproductive organ removal on the same day. If I do DIEP, am I prepared for the recovery? Am I going to be able to accept that I’ll need at least two surgeries then? One for the DIEP, one for the reproductive parts. They can’t do both at the same time because the DIEP takes too long and the OR is only open for so many hours/day.
I have to prepare for menopause either way. It’s just is it now, or later in the year? I wish my ovaries weren’t so likely to try to kill me. Pffft.
Making decisions like this is not fun. But I also try to keep it in perspective. I get to make the reconstruction/non-reconstruction choice. My treatment has been relatively easy. Am I spacey as hell sometimes? Absolutely! Do I get winded walking the dogs? You betcha! Have I missed out on any of the holiday fun because of cancer? Absolutely not. I’ve had a blast and enjoyed every moment. Did I have to have a port put in? No. My drugs are daily oral. Did I lose my hair? No. But I got to try new hairstyles because I figured short hair, if it fell out, would be less likely to traumatize me. Have I felt sick? Hardly. I took two Zofran - they control nausea - early on because I felt a little sick, but that’s it. Since then, I’ve felt fairly normal other than the spaciness and getting tired easily.
I’ll go on. I’ve been able to sleep 8-10 hours per night for almost my entire treatment. I work from home. I was able to do all of my scheduled travel jobs through November. After that, I still did big jobs, just from home. My loss of income was limited to having to not work on some doctor appointment days. I’ve been able to save up to prepare us for this year. Prepare us for me being out of work for a time. But I will probably be able to go back to work sooner than most because I can work from home and my job is sedentary. I just have to be able to lift my arms enough to get my hands on my steno machine.
My husband has taken on the bulk of the duties around the house. I am horrified when I read stories of women who have a spouse or boyfriend who can’t seem to help out at all. They’re at home recovering from a double mastectomy, and he’s angry that they can’t cook dinner. That makes me angry. Grow the fuck up. Do you love this woman or not? If you love her, you’ll take care of her and ‘suffer’ for the short time she’s unable to help out because she JUST HAD HER BOOBS CHOPPED OFF or SHE’S GOING THROUGH FUCKING CHEMOTHERAPY AND IS SICK FOR DAYS. I try not to swear on here much, but seriously? What the hell is wrong with people?? The humans in my house have thumbs and brains and they use them. The dogs are thankful. Especially for the thumbs, I imagine. Yay treats!!
I’ve never had to ask for help. He’s picked up the slack. If I can’t do something that I would normally do, I tell him. It gets done. He cooks - okay, he’s always cooked, I’m average at best - he cleans, walks the dogs on days I can’t - it’s my one exercise I can do, I like to do it - does the laundry, folds the laundry - again, better than I do it, so I help when I can, but… not upset when he gets it all folded before I’m available! He’s not perfect, thank goodness, but he’s perfect for me and loves me even though I’ve refused to kiss him this year because he’s been sick.
Gotta stay healthy.
And the best part? This isn’t just because I have cancer. We’ve always worked together to get stuff done around the house and take care of each other. It’s a partnership. I mean, I haven’t cleaned a toilet since 2008. It’s my most despised household chore. He doesn’t mind it.
Match made in heaven.