Month: April 2020

More Recovery

Recovery is in phases and starts and stops. One step forward, two steps back. A giant leap back forward. Wake up the next day, exhausted. 2,000 steps a day! 4,000! Back to 3,000. It’s okay. Quantity doesn’t really matter. Moving matters. Do your physical therapy. PT is important. At least twice a day, no matter what. Ice under the arms where the drains came out. It’s usually PT followed by ice.

 

Use the inspirometer to check lung function sometimes. It’s good! Go for a walk with husband/dogs. I can tie my shoes now! I couldn’t bend over that far before. Avoid all people. When I do have to go out to an appointment, very little skin exposure. Long pants, although I wear a tank top to PT so they can see my arms better in case of swelling. Socks, shoes that are only worn to appointments. Face mask, safety glasses, a buff to cover my hair.

 

He drops me off, I go in. Do my thing. I come out, ride home. Drop clothes in the garage and go directly to the shower. Can’t risk getting sick. Husband runs laundry, showers. It’s been nice to see a few friendly faces from a safe distance, but mostly I stay home.

 

And work! I’ve started working again. It was about 2 weeks after surgery that I first started. Working two hours a day left me completely exhausted. It’s still exhausting, but it’s getting easier all the time. The brain fog that I had post-surgery appears to be lifting.

 

I’m thankful I have a job. I’m thankful I can work 100% from home. I do not take these things for granted, and it makes me sad to think about all the people who want to work but can’t. They need help. Sure, I’d love to have help and not have to push myself to go back, but it’s fine. We are fine. Many others are not.

 

We have to help each other since help doesn’t seem to be coming from anywhere else. Make sure the people you care about are doing okay. If they aren’t, help if you can.

 

Recovery is not linear. Some days, I feel great! Other days, I feel horrid and just want to sleep. More better days now. Thankfully. I got all of the glue off of my scars and now am in the minimizing phase. Coconut oil massaged on scars? Okay. A good, natural way to help them heal. I’m in. Although Arthur also likes coconut oil, I’ve discovered. It’s okay, I’ll just plan to not use it when it’s couch cuddle time I guess!

 

I look different. It’s my new normal. Still hoping my belly decides to go down more on its own. Am still convinced that it’s not where it was before surgery. At some point, I’ll have to accept it, but I am refusing to do so until I’m cleared to do anything about it.

 

It’s not really bothering me that the tatas are gone. I know that may seem weird or counterintuitive, but they were heavy and limiting and, well, they tried to kill me. I’m sure at some point I’ll be sad, but for now - tata, tatas!

 

Currently I can only do the exercises that I’m given to do in PT. Neck stretches, bicep curls, squeeze the shoulder blades together. Do shoulder shrug circle things. Forward, back. Lift weights in front - I’m up to 3 lbs! Might go for 5 lbs soon - to work shoulders. Now hold them up, out to the sides. And then goalposts. Then added chin tucks. I do those during my shoulder blade exercise. It’s to strengthen my neck. Also added, what I lovingly call “Staring into the Corner.” It’s a stretch for my chest.

 

Today we added more. Ws - hold a band in both hands, arms form a W, or two Vs, one on each side, if you want to get technical, and then draw them apart, back together. More back work. Also today we added one where you put the stretchy band around a handle of some sort - probably not a door knob because it might fly off and smack you - shoulder extensions. Pull the band back, hold it, and back forward.

 

And then wall angels, except I’m allowed to just kinda lay on my foam roller and let everything stretch out. I do that. It feels pretty great. A lot of times it pops my back and feels even better.

 

Then I ice my armpits! Except I realize I forgot to do this earlier. This is the only part of me that is still really annoying. Hoping it keeps getting better. And it’s less annoying today than it was yesterday.

 

Filed under: Uncategorized

Appointments

First off: I’m doing better every day, thank you!

 

The last two weeks were appointments. I had the drain removal appointment on April 6th, which I talked about in my last post. I then had an evaluation for physical therapy (PT) on April 10th. They checked my range of motion and measured my arms as a baseline to watch for lymphedema. That’s twice I had to go out in one week. Just breathe.

Selfie: black mask, safety glasses, purple tank top, zebra-striped head covering with rainbow colors and black stripes.
PT chic!

 

This week was full of appointments! Monday was my oncology appointment, but did telehealth for that. Next appointment for that is in July sometime. We’ll get it scheduled later. Tuesday the 14th was PT. Lymphatic massage, and also, added a few stretches to my PT regime I had been given when I left the hospital.

 

Thursday we drove downtown for my gynecological surgery follow-up. He dropped me off at the door, I put on my mask and went in. I was asked the COVID questions - do you feel sick/have a fever? They took my temperature, and I went to my appointment. I saw a physician assistant (PA) because my surgeon was on call and had been called into the operating room on an emergency basis. I hope the person is okay.

 

I got my blood pressure taken - it’s back to normal, so that’s a plus - and then, because of the nature of the appointment, take off your pants! It was confirmed that I’m not nuts. I do, in fact, have a little stitch sticking out of one of the four little incisions on my belly. It doesn’t bother me, thankfully, but it’s still there today. It should eventually fall off or dissolve like the rest. Or I can pull it out if I want. I’ll just let it do its thing, thanks!

Selfie: black mask, safety glasses, gray jacket with Purell hanging from the zipper, a sticker that says: screened and the date. A head covering with muted colors and abstract design.
Hospital chic!

 

The PA took a look for interior healing and said, yep! Still healing. I am to not do anything crazy for at least another 8 weeks. And don’t, ah, stick anything up there, okay?

 

Why? Well… if the stitches at the top of the vagina are compromised and torn, my bowels could fall out. As awesome as that sounds? I think I’m going to just follow the doctor’s orders. The PA helped me get up off the table as getting up from flat on my back is still kind of a challenge, so that was nice.

 

Okay, so, that brings us up to Thursday. Friday was PT again. I’ve scheduled all my PT appointments for fairly early in the morning to not interfere with work and it’s been less than easy to get up and go. I’ve become lazy.

 

This PT appointment we did range of motion stretching and more lymphatic massage. An exercise to pull my arms up higher I think it really does help. My therapist is happy that I don’t appear to have edema - swelling - in my lower arms. It’s just localized in the area where the drains were. I was upset by other patients in the facility not wearing masks, but I’m suited up as best as I can be. I wish they’d cover up. PT is in the same building as my oncologist. There are vulnerable people there, dudes. I tend to go gender neutral for my blog posts, but… “dudes” is accurate here. So, while I’m at it: 97% of the people who have treated me throughout this process are women. They are my heroes. I think I’ve had one nurse and then the nerve blocker guys. Probably some people in surgery. I was asleep. Can’t remember.

Next week is two PT appointments. I’m looking forward to impressing them with raising my arms over my head! I did this the other day and was like a toddler that had just done something they deemed amazing - LOOK AT ME!!! It was a good day.

 

I also want to ‘graduate’ to just doing stuff at home as soon as I can. Yes, I’m afraid of getting sick. I’ve been through too much in the last year to end up in an intensive care unit (ICU) on a ventilator. Thanks.

Selfie: At home wearing a soft purple jacket with black on it. My mastectomy pillow is in the foreground - it's blue with little dog pictures all over it.
Home chic. My favorite.

 

I didn’t get a blog up last week because of all of these appointments. And because I’m working!! I worked quite a bit this week. I was tired at the end of my days, so I didn’t write. I worked a full day yesterday. Those jobs are few and far between right now because they’d mostly be conferences with people attending, but it was good to know that I’m capable of it. Today is Sunday, and I will rest.

 

Filed under: Uncategorized

FREEDOM!!!

From my drains!! It really was a life-changing experience before and after. I no longer have to worry about Arthur landing on them in an exuberant body slam accident. I can start to think about rolling over and maybe - maybe? - someday sleeping on my side again. Or… even my stomach! Although my wedge pillow has been great and I am sleeping well.

Arthur under all my blankets looking apprehensive.
It's okay, buddy, you only landed on them a few times.

I’m being able to lift my arms higher every day. Progress. It’s great!

 

Well, except the leaking. I have two little holes in my chest, one on each side, and they’re still leaking a little bit. Hopefully they’ll scab up soon and stop leaking.

 

Ah, the human body. It’s wonderful and really freaky all at the same time.

 

But I’m not gonna lie. Going to the hospital was weird. Husband dropped me off - he wasn’t allowed in - and I went inside. I went to the nurses wearing masks and they asked me if I had any sore throat or exposure to anyone with COVID-19. No. I’ve been at home with my dogs since my surgery. Husband goes out sometimes, but he doesn’t breathe on me. Really. He covers his face when he’s very near me - very romantic. But necessary. Love demands sacrifices. I can look at his face from across the room.

 

They took my temperature. I passed! I put on a glove. I forgot to mention, I was wearing a buff - a head covering - safety glasses, a mask, dressed head to toe even though my toes are still cute. No exposed skin except a little on my face and my hands. Anyway, I put on a glove and used it to push the button on the elevator and went up to my floor. I used it to open the door. No kiosk check-in right now. I checked in with the receptionist.

 

I was the only one in the waiting room. It was eerie. The nurse came and took me back. Everyone was wearing a mask. The touching was minimal. Blood pressure was good, temperature was taken again, oxygen levels and heart rate were okay. I passed!

 

The physician assistant came in and explained that the drains come out first. They find people listen better if the drains are gone, otherwise they just sit there and worry about them coming out.

 

Yes, I took a video of my right drain coming out. No, I’m not going to post it here. Holy cow they’re weird. And really freaking long!!! It was like a foot past the tube that I could see sticking out of my body. That foot of tubing was white and perforated, which makes sense. The perforations allowed the, uh, body juices to ender the tubing and the suction from the JP drain encouraged those juices to head toward the exit.

 

It’s fascinating, but I don’t want anyone reading my blog to pass out watching it come out. It’s really, really weird.

Grape hyacinth flowers in our garden.
No drains. Just grape hyacinths. Aren't they cute?

Then we went over the next things. Physical therapy - that’ll be on Friday - with a lymphedema specialist. They’ll take baselines and get me started and back to 100%. Great. I have to go out into the world again. I have an appointment for next year where they’ll teach me how to do self-checks.

 

Yes. In one year. No, I’ll never not be able to think about cancer ever again.

 

We went over the pathology. Two lymph nodes out from the left, three on the right. All were good. Tumors had shrunk, margins were clear meaning there was no sign of the disease having spread any further.

 

Good news.

 

And the most important question I had? How much did they weigh??? She gave me the numbers in grams. After doing the math, how much was it in pounds? 8.2 lbs. Wow.

 

RIP, ginormous tatas.

 

Filed under: Uncategorized

Fear

When I got home from the hospital, it was scary for Arthur, our little Chihuahua-mix. He was used to me being gone sometimes since I travel for work quite a bit normally. But when I got home, I smelled different and I was hurt. He jumped up next to me on the couch and he was shaking so hard, I could feel it even through the dazed fog I was in. He was so, so scared. Someone had hurt his mum and he was afraid. He’s supposed to protect us. How could this have happened?

 

Edie beagle’s reaction when I got home? I’m… going to avoid her. She smells funny. They’re very different. She’s happy I smell more normal at this time.

 

We’re good now. He still is plastered to me whenever he can be. See, keeping your human safe involves cuddling with them lots and barking at people walking on the next block over. At first, he would sleep with me one night, my husband the next. Currently he sleeps with me on the sofa bed downstairs, Edie beagle sleeps upstairs on her bed next to our bed. All humans are being cared for correctly and to the best of their ability.

Arthur looking at me lovingly from the sofa bed, on top of my comforter.
I'll hug you and squeeze you and love you forever!

 

Fear is everywhere right now. Obviously, a fear of getting sick from COVID-19 and getting friends and loved ones sick and maybe ending up on a ventilator and maybe dying alone. Legitimate fear at the moment? Absolutely.

 

The fear of losing everything you’ve worked for. The fear of losing your job, or if you’ve already lost your job, how you’re going to make ends meet and provide for your family. Do take advantage of unemployment payments if that’s an option - the majority of people want to work and take care of their families. They want to feel productive. This whole staying at home thing can be very tough.

 

But you can do it!! I know you can. Together we will beat this thing, figure it out, and unless you are an essential worker all you have to do is stay home as much as possible. Stay safe. That’s how we are sending each off into the world right now.

Edie on her side on the couch watching TV and not avoiding me.
I'm done avoiding you now that you can sit on this couch again.

 

Tomorrow I am going to my surgeon’s office to get my drains out. I’m ready for them to be removed. Having two little tubes sticking out of your chest is getting annoying. My right one especially seems to want to misbehave. I think it’s because the tube is shorter and I’m right-handed, so I do everything with that side. Once the little bandages that they’d put on around the spot where the drains come out came off, they started annoying me more. We’ve taken to taping gauze loosely over them to keep my compression bra - is it really a bra if it’s not holding up any tatas? - from rubbing on them.

 

I’m ready for them to be gone! So, we will go tomorrow out of our safe place. When we arrive at the hospital, he will drop me off as he’s not allowed to come in. They could have made it happen, but I don’t see a reason to override their protocols. I can go in by myself even though I can’t drive yet. I will wear a mask, eye protection and gloves. I may also wear a head covering because hey, why not? I’ll go up and sign in and ask the important questions we wrote down if they’re not answered while they’re removing the drains.

 

The most important being: How much did my breasts weigh? I must know!

A white crocus flower, looking down on it from above.
I still can't end down much to get good flower shots, so I improvise.

Obviously the most important question. That and how to prevent infection on the drainage sites. I guess that’s important too.

 

Hopefully I’ll keep getting better. Progress is fast some days, slow others. I did work a few times last week, and I seem to be mentally and physically up to the task as long as I don’t work too many hours. And by that I mean, no more than an hour at a time. One job went an hour and a half and I was so done.

 

It’ll get better. It’ll get easier. Take it one day at a time. I’ll take care of me. You take care of you. This too shall pass.

 

Filed under: Uncategorized