I am having trouble sleeping. Melatonin used to work for me. Keeping busy all day used to work. Exercise. I slept like a baby during my cancer treatment. Probably something to do with the drugs.
Last night I fell asleep and woke up an hour later. Looking back, I think I had a panic attack. Gosh. What a surprise. It’s not like there’s anything going on in the world right now that could cause this. Nope.
But I also imagine this lack of sleep is a side effect of menopause. I get hot at night still even though my daytime hot flashes have calmed down a lot. I’m hesitant to get a lighter comforter because when I’m not hot, I’m fine. Plus, I don’t want my husband to freeze. Trying to be nice.
Tonight I’ll just try Tylenol. I am finding if I take it at night it helps. Not Tylenol PM, just regular. I’ve been sore off and on due to training, but I’m getting much, much stronger, so I’m not having as many issues as I was when I first started.
Last Saturday I walked 9 miles in just under 3 hours. I can’t seem to walk slower than a 20-minute mile, probably a side effect of a spouse with long legs and spending my life trying to keep up! Not a bad thing. My fastest miles currently are around 18 minutes and 30 seconds. I’m not sure how fast I should be aiming for, but that’s not terrible!
This week I’m kind of just walking, getting back into work, using my new Ring Fit Adventure game on the Switch - you battle a monster with squats! - and my goal is to walk 18 miles between now - Thursday - and Sunday. No problem.
I am sad for the state of the country. I’ve been sad for a long time, but it has gotten worse since the attempted coup last week. I’m going to add that last sentence to the list of things I never thought I’d write. A Capitol Police Officer lost his life in the insurrection. Another committed suicide. I honestly have no feelings toward the people that stormed the Capitol and also lost their lives. Apparently they thought they were going to war. These things happen in war. The officers did not anticipate going to war that day, or perhaps should have, but were not advised properly and not given the correct support.
So, I’m also angry. I don’t get angry often, but this? As I said previously: Words matter. And to this day over a week later very few Republicans have stood up and disavowed the words that led to them hiding in rooms and in offices, under tables. They’re more upset by having to wear masks on the floor of the House after they refused to wear them when locked up with Democratic colleagues in an enclosed space. Subsequently, at least three Democrats have tested positive for COVID-19, including a 75-year old cancer survivor.
Oh, yes. I’m angry. The complete disregard for their health and the health of others as well as their calls for ‘unity’ when many of them objected to the Electoral College count - my rep was one of those asshats - honestly? No. There will be no ‘unity’ as it relates to attempted coups, insurrection and anti-maskers.
My only hope is that with the tech community finally standing up and dumping those advocating for war on their platforms that maybe we will make it through the Inauguration okay. I’m sad that President-elect Biden can’t take the Amtrak to his Inauguration because of security threats. I’m sad that instead of being able to focus 100% on getting the pandemic under control, he has to focus on getting extremist groups under control. I’m sad that so many people are so easily manipulated and think they’re under attack.
You’re not under attack. You’re just bored. Get a hobby. Maybe try reading - maybe you can learn to visualize the realities of war. I would suggest “The Beekeeper of Aleppo” maybe? It’s very good.