Author: Amanda Lundberg

Understanding the CBC

If you or someone you know has ever had cancer or any other illness that requires careful monitoring, you’re probably thinking: How do I have any blood left???

Purple and white daisies and some yellow marigolds all with dew on them.
Daisy family photo

They take blood when you first go in, and then they just take and take and take more! No wonder your counts are low. They took it all in little vials to run tests.

 

But truly, the blood panels are important. There are two tests that I have had repeatedly already, and so I think it is a good idea to understand what on earth they’re testing for. The first is the CBC, or complete blood count, and differential with platelets. The second is the CMP or comprehensive metabolic panel.

 

Today we will focus on the CBC and diff w/platelets.

 

What is it? It’s what is sounds like, actually. It’s a test to determine information about your blood cells and platelets. The following is a list of what’s included in it and the ranges from my treatment facility. The ranges may vary slightly depending on where you are being treated unless it is something that all doctors agree on.

 

The components of the CBC include:

 

WBC - Stands for: White Blood Cells - Means: The measurement of the amount of the cells that are part of your immune system. Infections and some drugs can make your number of white blood cells go down. If they are too low, you are more at risk for infections and have a harder time fighting against infections. - Range: 4.2-10

 

RBC - Stands for: Red Blood Cells - Means: Cells that carry oxygen around your body and take carbon dioxide out of your body. They’re important. If you have too few, it is called anemia. Anemia can make you feel tired and weak. It is caused when you have low iron, which is directly related to the amount of hemoglobin in your red blood cells. - Range: 4.20-5.40

 

Hgb - Stands for: Hemoglobin - Means: The measurement of a protein that is produced in your bone marrow that is stored in red blood cells. It’s what helps you transport oxygen and carbon dioxide around your body and is the reason the cells are red. - Range: 12.0-16.0

 

HCT - Stands for: Hematocrit - Means: This is the measurement of how much of your blood is made up of red blood cells. If this goes too low, it could mean that you have low iron, which can lead to less red blood cells, leading to anemia. See how these things are related? - Range: 36.0-48.0

 

MCV - Stands for: Mean Corpuscular Volume - Means: The measurement of the actual size of the red blood cells. Measured in femtoliters per cell. Femtoliters are a metric unit of volume = to 10 to the -15 litres. If your red blood cells are too small, it could mean that you have... anemia. Or another deficiency. But basically anemia is what I care about. - Range: 81.0-101.0

 

MCH - Stands for: Mean Corpuscular Hemoglobin - Means: The measurement of the average mass of hemoglobin per red blood cell. It will be lower if you have - wait for it! - anemia. - Range: 27.0-34.0

 

MCHC - Stands for:  Mean Corpuscular Hemoglobin Concentration - Means: The measurement of the average concentration of hemoglobin in a single red blood cell. To get this one, you can divide the hemoglobin by the hematocrit. Assumption: If it’s low? ANEMIA. - Range: 31.5-36.0

 

RDW - Stands for: Red blood cell Distribution Width - Means: This measures range of size of the red blood cells. If this one goes low? You’ll never guess what that could mean. Anemia - Range: 11.5-14.5

 

Platelet Count - Stands for: Uhm. Platelet Count. I’ll change that for the rest... - Means: The measurement of the number of platelets in the blood. Platelets are little helpers that help clot your blood. If you cut yourself, and your platelet count is low and you are anemic, you will bleed more. Good side effect: I won’t have to shave for the next six months! Bad side effect: I’ll lose all my hair anyway. Can’t win ‘em all. - Range: 140-440

 

Mean Platelet Volume - Means: The measurement of the average size of the platelets found in the blood. If they’re too small, indicates anemia. - Range: 7.0-12.0

 

Neutrophils - Means: A type of white blood cell that offers protection from infections and does other stuff too. But we care about infections. They are the first responders to a bacterial infection. They are heroes. - Range: 37.-73.0

 

Lymphocytes - Means: They are cells in the immune system that fight infection. Their home base in the lymph nodes, but they can range all over the body.  - Range: 20.0-53.0

 

Monocytes - Means: They are leukocytes. Those are a white blood cells. They are the largest type and help in adaptive immunity.  - Range: 2.5-12.0

 

Eosinophils - Means: Disease-fighting white blood cells. Think, like, ninja cells. They tend to congregate around an infection, allergic reaction, or cancer. Obviously, if you have this count high, you’d prefer it’s not the third option. I’m glad mine have been in the normal range so far. - Range: 0.5-10.0

 

Basophils - Means: White blood cells that are produced in the bone marrow and are part of your immune system. Low? Possible allergic reaction. High?  Chronic inflammation or something bad. Bad being the medical term for “Something you don’t want to get.” - Range: 0.0-3.0

 

ABS Neutrophils - Stands for: Absolute Neutrophil Count. Means: A measure of the number of neutrophils in the blood, basically. I found them called neutrophil granulocytes or polymorphonuclear cells - we’ll just stick with the counting part. - Range: 1.40-6.50

 

ABS Lymphocytes - Means: A measure of the number of lymphocytes helping to fight disease in the body. - Range: 1.2-3.4

 

ABS Monocytes - Means: A measure of the number of monocytes. This one is interesting to me because it can be linked to lymphomas or leukemias. One of the very rare possible side effects is that Talazoparib, the drug I’ll be taking, can cause myeloid leukemia. That is a cancer of the blood and blood marrow. Best to avoid that if we can. - Range: 0.0-0.8

 

ABS Eosinophils - Means: The measure of the eosinophils in the blood.  - Range: 0.0-0.7

 

ABS Basophils - Means: The measure of the number of basophils in the blood. - Range: 0.0-0.2

 

Currently all my numbers are within the normal ranges, but I haven’t started treatment yet.

 

Information above brought to you by many Google searches and several days because it was a lot to look up. I don’t want to give out bad information if I can avoid it.

Filed under: Medical Definitions

All Cancers are Different

Okay. Let’s talk about cancer. All cancers are different. We are all unique human beings. We all have unique beliefs and unique backgrounds. We look different, we talk different - different languages, or the same language but it just sounds different. We have different priorities in life, different dreams.

 

We also have different and unique genetic makeups. This part we can’t really control. We can perhaps have some control over our environment, but we cannot control the genes that were passed down to us. And not all cancers can be explained by genes. Sometimes perfectly healthy people with no genetic predisposition end up with a cancer diagnosis. Why? I wish I knew.

Red and white gladiolus and pink gladiolus.
Gladiolus flowers.

But all cancers are different because we are all made up differently. In breast cancer there are hormone positive and hormone negative, as well as a mix of positive and negative. There are pre-cancers and active cancers. There are aggressive tumors and tumors that just chill for years. There are cancers that can be at least partially explained by genetics, and cancers that have no known source.

 

It used to be that cancers were all treated the same. You have breast cancer, we will treat it with these drugs and a mastectomy. Today doctors and scientists are realizing that every cancer is going to be a little bit different, therefore, each treatment should be tailored to the individual.

 

Not every woman who has breast cancer needs a mastectomy. There are many studies on different treatments and how they affect the patients. They can monitor during treatment to see if the chosen treatments are working. Science is amazing, and I am thankful for all the people who have put so much time and effort into the treatments available today.

 

There are still strides to be made, but I’m hopeful that targeted gene therapy will eventually become the norm for many cancer patients. They’ll have a treatment made for them and will be monitored to ensure that they are responding in a positive way. And there will be a cure one day, I hope. A cure that makes the chances of the cancer ever coming back slim to none.

 

We’re not there yet. I know people are working on it. Some have spent or are spending their entire lives trying to solve this problem. I want to thank those people. You all have made a huge difference in my life and in the lives of countless people who have come before and will come after. Keep looking for the answers.

Filed under: Uncategorized

Student Loans

I never thought I would get cancer. Or, rather, I hoped I would never get cancer. But at least if I did get cancer, I thought it would be after my student loans were paid off.

 

Nope.

 

I have managed to pay off most of them. When I left court reporting school I was staring down $50,000 in student loan debt. $30,000 incurred during my time in court reporting school, and the other $20,000 was the remnants of what had been a $30,000 debt to the state school I attended. I graduated with my Bachelor of Arts in 2002 and I left court reporting school with an Associate of Arts in 2012.

 

I’m down to just over $8,000. I had been using 0% credit cards to knock out chunks at a time and force myself to make higher payments because I hate paying interest. The transfer fees were less than the interest I’d pay if I just left them, and the tax benefit was less than the benefit of having lower payments over time. This is only a strategy you can use if you are extremely strict and never fail to make those higher payments. Credit cards are very, very easy to abuse and fall into a massive hole that you have to climb out of. Most people never climb out of that hole once they are in there.

 

The payment isn’t huge, but if I keep paying the minimum, I could easily be paying on student loans until I’m 50. That’s 11 years and one week from now for those keeping track.

 

I was hoping to pay them off within a year. Alas, breast cancer. Meanie.

 

This is my debt to pay, of course, and I will pay it. I am only using any money donated to me to pay medical bills and related expenses. This is the one bill I can ask to stop for a while if I need to since the balance I have left is government loans and deferment is an option. I’m hoping to keep making the minimum payment for now, especially since I can work and hope to keep working.

 

It’s just annoying. I’ve done everything right, paid everything on time, done all the things I need to perform in the adult phase of life only to have a life-altering diagnosis. I want to scream that life isn’t fair, but I knew that already.

 

I’ll get through this, and I’m hoping that annoyed is the worst thing I feel in this process.

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Ultrasound Win, I Think?

I had an ultrasound yesterday. And blood work. Those are the last two pieces to get me registered for my clinical trial.

 

The blood work was kind of funny, because the phlebotomist, someone who is trained to draw blood, had extra tubes to fill that were normally not present, and different tubes that didn’t seem like they were filled, but they were. It’s not really funny, but we try to find humor in little quirks to keep our spirits up. At least I do.

Yellow Asiatic lily with red spots, covered in dew.
Asiatic lilies are some of my favorite lilies.

 

After that it was time for the ultrasound. I had not really had a full tata ultrasound at all yet. Early on they had used it to find the tumor on my right side, and then to attempt to aspirate the cyst. Oops! Not a cyst. Biopsy then. And later to biopsy the other site found on my right side.

 

So, this was a full ultrasound on both sides. In the waiting for this, I was nervous. It’s been around two months since I was diagnosed with an aggressive breast cancer. What if it had doubled in size and traveled to my lymph nodes? Or what if they found more spots of concern? What if, what if, what if???

 

I made sure the ultrasound tech knew that I knew how it was supposed to be, so we talked the whole way through. I was shown where the biggest spot is - measured at 1.99 yesterday, I wish that meant it was shrinking on its own. Not likely. It is posterior, meaning the back part of the breast tissue and very near the muscle and you could see my lungs on the ultrasound. They glisten. Kinda neat.

 

It was still there. Same place. Hadn’t wandered off to invade other part unknown. We didn’t spend any time on the smaller spot, but we also looked at the left side and saw the shading where my DCIS probably is. Fascinating.

 

After the imaging was done, the tech left to get the information to the doctor who would then come in and talk to me. I had seen this doctor in 2015 when I was being sent around to different facilities to have my tatas squished by all. I think I had three mammograms that year. This doctor had the mammogram done and then requested I be sent for an MRI.

 

The insurance company denied my MRI, so I didn’t get one.

 

Would the MRI have caught something suspicious that early? Maybe. Maybe not.

 

Anyway, I’m pretty sure smoke came out of the doctor’s ears as I relayed this information. I had all the things that should have made me a shoo-in for an MRI: Family history, age - I was 34 at mammogram time in 2015 most likely, dense breast tissue - I did not know this was a thing until my first mammogram, and now I’ve had so many people tell me that I have dense breast tissue and be fascinated by it that I know I’m fairly abnormal. Yesterday I was told most women have a mix of fatty and dense tissue, but mine are mostly dense tissue.

 

No wonder they never got much smaller when I’d lose weight.

 

Sidetracked. Sorry. Anyway, doctor was not happy because of the what ifs. What if we had found something earlier? Then I’d be through and done with all this stuff by now. What if insurance companies didn’t deny coverage for certain procedures based on actuarial tables and instead looked at the individual patient?

 

I will say, though, that was a different insurance company and it’s crazy how much more they pay attention when your actual diagnosis is 100% without a doubt breast cancer.

 

My wish from now to forever is that the insurance companies listen to the doctors. Most doctors don’t order tests willy-nilly. Most are genuinely concerned for their patients and want to do what is right for them.

 

What if I’d had an MRI in 2015? We’ll never know because I am currently unable to change the past.

Filed under: Uncategorized

One Step Back

Well, poo. I won’t be able to start my treatment on August 6th as planned. Instead, on August 6th I’ll be having an ultrasound as it is required for the clinical trial. And then we have to push everything back until after we get back from vacation.

 

Good part? I get to try some West Coast beers!

 

Bad part? Delaying treatment. Again. There’s an underlying anxiety that it will just suddenly race into my lymph nodes and suddenly I’ll be much, much sicker very quickly. Is it rational? Probably not.

 

Other bad part? The new start date - August 20 - is right before a big three-day job. So, do I give up the job or attempt to suffer through? Maybe I’ll have no side effects right away. Or maybe I won’t be able to leave the toilet. Or ask to delay to the 27th? After all, what’s one more week?

 

Cancer is never convenient, obviously, but sheesh. This is dragging on forever. I read stories of others who go from diagnosis to treatment in three weeks. Am I okay delaying so long? It’s been almost two months since I was diagnosed.

 

Basically, I’m scared. I will probably need my anxiety meds sooner rather than later.

 

In other news… I’ve been working out almost every day! I am not eating very well, admittedly, but at least I’ve got part of it down. I feel like I need to eat all my favorite foods now since the drugs might change how things taste, and who knows if it’ll ever taste the same. I do throw in quite a few vegetables, though, because I actually like them. But in between the veggies are nachos and basically anything in the Mexican food family.

 

And now I’ve googled how fast can breast cancer grow and am thoroughly freaked out. I guess we’ll see on Tuesday if it’s decided to do something stupid like double in size since it was first found. At least it hadn’t grown much if at all in the weeks between my first ultrasound and my PET scan. That was about four weeks.

 

Don't google stuff like this.

Ohm.

Filed under: Uncategorized

It’s My Birthday!

When my mom turned 39, the year I am entering now, she decided she wasn’t going to go beyond that. At 40, she received a mug that said, “39 Forever.” I remember using it and seeing it and having no real comprehension of the whole getting older part of life. Now that I’m getting there, I still don’t comprehend getting older.

Edinburgh Castle from below and a bird flying in the top left corner of the photo.
Two years ago today we were in Edinburgh!

 

What I do know is that I think I’ll be looking forward to 40. When I get to 40, hopefully I’ll be done with all the surgeries and the treatments and have cancer in the rearview mirror. There are a lot of dependencies and things that could go wrong, but I do hope to be done with this part within a year.

 

But for today? I’m working a little, going out to lunch shortly, having pulled pork nachos for dinner, and just relaxing. Went for a walk with the dogs and am just kind of kicking back and relaxing.

 

An interesting thing about my birthday is that it is also my sister’s birthday. We are not twins. I just happened to be born on her birthday when she turned three. We spent our childhood pretty much being treated like twins since we weren’t too far apart in age and one party is easier than two. We did get our own sleepover parties sometimes, and once I remember making tiny pizzas with all of my friends. We would usually get our own cakes, though, so that was good.

 

Best birthday present she ever got. I’m sure she’ll agree!

 

Anyway, this year for my birthday I am just requesting anyone reading this to do something nice for someone. Open a door, buy them a brand new car, help change a tire, send them on a cruise - anything. I’ll try to do the same, and will also try to be cognizant of making sure I’m nice to people whenever I happen to come across them.

 

I have made it my life’s mission to make TSA agents smile - I’ve got a pretty good track record.

 

Oh! And I found out it’s also DOGust 1st, so I will celebrate the birthdays of all our rescue dogs, current and those that have come before. Apparently today is also National Girlfriend’s Day. I am failing on this one as I have no plans to hang out with any girlfriends.

Arthur and Edie asleep on the couch.
Arthur and Edie.

Spencer and Edie riding in the car.
Spencer and Edie

Ryder the dog on his bed.
Ryder

 

I’m pretending today that everything is normal and that I am fine and I’m happy I only woke up sore this morning because I lifted weights yesterday.

 

And… apparently I share a birthday with Jason Mamoa aka Aquaman. He’s a year older. What makes this even more fun is that we attended the same middle school and high school for a time. Obviously we weren’t best buds or I’d have known we shared a birthday.

Filed under: Uncategorized

Happy Anniversary!

Today is our eighth wedding anniversary!

Eight years ago today we stood in front of a podium in a wedding chapel in Las Vegas and said, “I do.” Elvis was in the building. For another wedding, but still - he was there! I can’t remember what chapel it was without looking at our wedding license.

Amanda and Gabe in front of Gulfoss Waterfall in Iceland in 2017.
Gulfoss Waterfall, Iceland, 2017.

We had been planning to go to Las Vegas where I was going to attend the National Court Reporters Association Convention. I was a student at the time and needed to make professional connections so I could succeed as I went down this completely different career path from my previous life in mortgage banking. It was Vegas, so we decided he would come with and we would do some fun stuff when I wasn’t attending convention stuff.

This was 2011. The world was changing for the better in Iowa. The Iowa Supreme Court had said that same sex couples could not be denied the right to marry. An odd side effect of this was that I was going to lose my insurance coverage since we were not married, and I was a ‘dependent’ on his health insurance through his work.

We were in our shared office in my condo a few weeks before the trip, probably playing World of Warcraft or something, and he said something like, “Do you want to get married in Vegas?” And I said, “Sure.” And so, the most romantic engagement and acceptance in the history of the world happened. We also loved each other and had been together for 10 years. So that was good.

We agreed not to tell anyone we were getting married and snuck away that morning – I think it was a Thursday – and caught a cab to what is probably city hall but I call it “The Marriage License Place.” We were second in line for our license. Next step: get married.

We walked outside and there were random guys standing around next to black SUVs. So, of course we hopped into one of the SUVs with a total stranger who then transported us to a chapel. Since we were so early, we had to wait for what I will call the Podium Priest to arrive. While we were sitting there Elvis did, in fact, enter the building. Cool.

She arrived and we stood at the podium and pledged to spend the rest of our lives together. I remember being nervous and excited, even if I don’t remember everything that was said. Pretty sure we both had satisfactory answers and were then pronounced man and wife.

The SUV drive took us to a cab stand and we snuck back to the Strip and had lunch at the Eiffel Tower Restaurant in the Paris Las Vegas. It was good and included an amuse bouche which is a bite-size d’oeuvre. This particular amusement for the mouth was a pea shooter. I normally don’t like peas, this was yummy! The people at the next table were confused by it, and we laughed.

The whole day was just fun. I recommend everyone who is in love to sneak off and get married in Vegas and not tell anyone. I think we spent maybe $200 on our wedding and most of that was tips.

I immediately broke the covenant and told my best friend from forever that we had gotten married, but swore her to secrecy. If she told, they also kept it close and everyone was in complete shock when we announced that we were married on April 1, 2012.

Okay. They weren’t in complete shock. They didn’t believe me. I can’t imagine why…

Anyway, I proved to my dad that we were married by sending him a picture of our marriage license and eventually everyone accepted that we were married. Except they were angry that we hadn’t had a proper wedding and a reception. Although I’m pretty sure everyone was just mad that we didn’t have cake. Everyone seemed to just want cake.

Note to self: To keep people happy, give them cake.

I wish everyone going through something like I am had someone to help them and take care of them and attend appointments with them. It hurts me to know that he knows he can’t fix it. That’s what he’s good at – fixing stuff. And cooking. Let’s be honest. We’d starve if I was in charge of meals.

It’s hard to love someone so much and have them love you and know that they are hurting too. But love isn’t just about the fun times. It’s also walking together through the worst times and coming out the other side together.

It’s going to be a low key day. I have to work for a little and we took a walk. Probably go to a baseball game later since we’ve never been to see our local Frontier League team play. I still have to get on the bike for a bit. I’m not allowed to skip days because it’s too easy to skip day after day after day.

Today I am thankful. I am thankful that I am married to my best friend and someone who loves me so much. I am thankful that I can get hugs on demand. I wish everyone were as lucky as I am.

Filed under: Uncategorized

Ouch.

Yellow and orange daylily with dew on it.The automatic blood pressure cuff tried to squeeze my arm off on Wednesday. I was trying to be patient and calm as it cranked my systolic blood pressure, the first number in the measurement, up to 161. It was tight. It was too high - I rarely go above 120. It couldn’t figure out what my diastolic pressure - the bottom number - was, so it started again. After two tries, the nurse put a smaller cuff on my lower arm. 

 

I made her stop. My hand was going numb. Many of the treatment decisions I’ve made and asked my doctors to help me make are to protect my hands. I don’t need a stinkin’ blood pressure cuff killing my ability to be a stenographer. Nope.

 

My husband said my hand was starting to turn red when it was on my forearm. The nurse used my numbers from last time which I still think are on the high side for me. I think they need a new machine or to get that one fixed before I freak out on it. Or do it manually. They taught us that one day in nursing school. I don’t remember exactly how to do it because I was the captioner and not actually in the room, but it wasn’t difficult.

 

I was in the office to get reassured by my oncologist that the clinical trial I am trying to start August 6th appears to be effective. And to get blood drawn to be sent off so they can run their own genetic testing. Apparently they only trust their own geneticists which may very well be the same geneticists that originally ran the test. That’s fine.

 

Tuesday I went for an electrocardiogram (EKG), so I’m all done with that - the easiest test so far! You are face-up on a table and they stick little stickers on your chest, arms and legs and then run electrodes to the stickers and plug them in and then tell you to hold still. And then you’re done. Longest part of that test was the paperwork.

 

And now we wait and see how fast they can test my blood and get the results back so I can get started. This has been taking what feels like forever. Other stories of patients I’ve seen have them diagnosed and starting treatment in weeks. August 6th will be almost two months since I found out my right tata was being naughty.

 

I’m trying to be patient. And I’m trying to enjoy this time. My life is never going to be the same once the actual treatment starts. I’ll find a new normal for the six months of taking pills. And then I’ll have to find a new normal after surgery. Beyond that, I need to figure out who I need to talk to in order to get a salpingo-oophorectomy. Apparently since I am a genetic ‘winner,’ it’s advised to get my fallopian tubes and ovaries removed to reduce my risk of recurring cancer.

 

I wonder if they could fish out my uterus and perhaps my appendix while they’re in there for that one? I’ll keep my gallbladder unless it decides to act up.

Filed under: Uncategorized

Working with Numbers

I need to keep on top of the numbers better.

I spent some time today catching up. A friend and former teacher from court reporting school offered to do a Facebook fundraiser for me. I said yes. I had originally wanted to say no. I pride myself on being self-sufficient and taking care of my own stuff. Accepting help is tough for me.

But I realized that I had told everyone reading here to accept help, so I did. I accepted the help. And I am so thankful and completely overwhelmed. My out of pocket costs for doctor bill, not including my premiums, for this “adventure” have been $4434.13 so far. Yes, I am approaching my deductible, kind of – $2400 to go – but I was trying to figure out how to cover this, especially with the work I’ve lost so far and will lose.

In swooped 121 friends, family, strangers. They raised $6847 for me. Even after fees, it’s $6630 that I will use entirely toward deductibles and copays. To say I’m overwhelmed is an understatement. I’ve said that I’m overwhelmed 40 times by now I’m sure, and I absolutely mean it. I did not expect this. My fundraising angel did not expect this. We are happy about it, of course, and I am breathing a little bit easier than I was a short time ago.

Soon I hope to embed a spreadsheet I’m keeping relating to numbers. It includes dates, mileage, how long we spent in the car, and how long we spent in the offices. Then come the big numbers. Out of pocket cost the day of – copays, out of pocket cost after insurance, how much was billed to insurance, how much a discount the insurance company got, how much of a discount I got. Hey! I got one!! How much insurance covered and a description of what the visit or test was. There’s also how much was denied by insurance and some notes. To give you an idea, I’d like to share some of the current numbers. I shared my out of pocket + copays above. Total billed by insurance? $45,809.75. Total paid by insurance? $7121.82. How does that even make sense?

To give you an idea, I’d like to share some of the current numbers. I shared my out of pocket + copays above. Total billed by insurance? $45,809.75. Total paid by insurance? $7121.82. How does that even make sense?

Anyway, I have a way to go before I can celebrate my insurance being more than my deductible and our premiums combined. And since I’m doing a clinical trial – paid for by the company running the trial, I got a free EKG today, yesss… – if I am eligible and it works? I may pay out more than they’ll pay for my care. Because discounts.

Fun stuff.

Filed under: Uncategorized

I Love to Travel

Like, really love to travel.

We have a trip to San Diego coming up, bought and paid for BC (before cancer). We’re going. Part of it is work, but a bigger part is play. I’m supposed to keep going after that to Denver for a conference. I didn’t sign up to actually attend the conference, but I was hoping to catch up with friends. It was also bought and paid for BC, but if I have to cut that, I will.

Before San Diego, I was supposed to go to Minneapolis for work. I gave that one up and it’s being covered by another wonderful captioner, but that brings my potential lost days of work to four. Not an hour here or there, but full day jobs I’ve had to pass on due to uncertainty about treatment. I don’t want to leave anyone in a bind at the last minute.

I am hopeful that I will get into the clinical trial. I am going to get my blood drawn again. They have to check and make sure that I am actually BRCA1 mutated for themselves by submitting another blood test to their lab, I guess. I also have to get an EKG (electrocardiogram). I can’t remember if there’s other stuff I need to do since I’m sitting in an airport writing this as I head home from a weekend work trip to Boston.

Anyway, the trial appears to have good results in people with the BRCA1/2 mutations at higher stages, so I want to try it.

It’s a pill every day for 6 months. Visits to the doctor every 28 days, plus a few extra visits in the first months. No one will be allowed to handle the pills without gloves except me. I’m the only one who gets to physically touch the chosen poison. I’m just hoping it works and that I can avoid  chemo administered by an infusion.

I just don’t like going to the doctor’s office. This weekend was interesting. I am a terrible liar, so when people asked how I was doing I proceeded to ruin their day a little by proclaiming, “I have breast cancer!” I am hopeful that I didn’t ruin anyone’s day too much and that they had fun at the conference. I had a fun time at the conference. I love my work because so many times it doesn’t feel like work, but people keep sending me money to do it, so added bonus!

As of now I’m not sure of the start date or even if I’ll be admitted. I’ll have to arrange the start date so that I can get to the doctor on day 15, hence why Denver may be a no-go. I won’t be drinking anything but water and non-alcoholic beverages while I’m on this pill. The worst side effect that didn’t happen in many people was to do with the liver. I’ll take no chances. And I’ll be eating a lot of iron and maybe taking an iron supplement if that’s allowed. The major side effect that hit the most people was anemia.

Talking about drinking reminded me that I forgot my Gatorade in the hotel fridge. Drats.

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