Author: Amanda Lundberg

Happy December!

It snowed today. Just a little snow. Just enough to get Christmas music playing in the house. Now it’s gone. End scene.

 

Let’s go back in time. We spent Thanksgiving with friends who are basically family, and the Saturday after was a Friendsgiving with much family and new friends. It was, overall, the most sober holiday I’ve had in awhile. One friend can’t drink because of illness. One family member stopped drinking, and I’m so, so proud of them. Me? I can’t drink because, well, cancer.

 

That’s fine. I really didn’t miss it. I spent time playing some games with adults and children over the holidays. We also watched the game where my Iowa Hawkeyes barely beat Nebraska. Oops. Well, a win is a win. I’ll take it.

Arthur chi-mix and Edie beagle cuddling together in the back seat of the car.
Mum, I think brother is high...

 

The drive to get where we were going was about 4 hours. We took it easy. We did end up drugging Arthur with antiemetics - stuff to keep you from getting nausea/vomiting - because of his past history with car rides. But overall it was a smooth commute. Even if poor Arthur spent the entire ride in one spot and staring at us. It was a little creepy. Not gonna lie.

 

The way back? Not so smooth. It was about a 4.5 hour drive that took us 8 hours. We stopped for gas in a neighboring state where it’s a little cheaper at around an hour into our drive, and then we hit the traffic. We didn’t move much for the next few hours. I felt bad because I hadn’t let the doggos go for a wee at the last stop, hoping to get home early in the afternoon to attend an event.

 

What was the slowdown?

 

Per the traffic report that was sent to me by a family member, it was 58 cars involved in 29 separate collisions along the interstate. Ouch. I am only going to ‘ouch’ this because per the reports no one sustained life-threatening injuries. No one died. I’m glad.

 

As we rode on the shoulder going past the biggest pileup that included a semi - husband noting, “Someone isn’t going to get their tires,” as we passed the semi - all of the vehicles did what they were supposed to. Most were undriveable, but they had collapsed in all the right places, saving the precious cargo inside. Only 10 people went to the hospital per the report I have. Modern technology is amazing.

Arthur and Edie asleep on the back seat.
I guess we live in the car now.

 

So is modern medicine. If was living a hundred years ago, I might not even have made it this far due to childhood illness. If I did make it this far, there were no treatments that could save me. Instead, I’m here. I know that there is something wrong with me, even though it’s not manifesting symptoms that are obvious to anyone yet. I’m on the cutting edge of treatments for cancer related to a gene that was discovered in 1994 by Mary-Claire King, PhD, at the University of Washington. You go, girl.

 

BRCA2 was discovered in 1995 and named the same thing but having to add a number because these people have better things to do than name stuff. Darn it.

 

So, I guess this post is an ode to modernity. Modern technology that saved all those people in the wreck. Although, keeping a safe distance and not speeding when it’s foggy and ice is forming on the signs can assist too. And modern medicine, which is helping me through this icky time. And modern mental health practices. The more I go down the rabbit hole of my reconstruction vs. flat option, the more I realize I should probably start talking to someone about this choice. It’s mine to make, and I want to make the right choice for me, but either way I am going to be losing a part of my body.

 

It’s weird to think about.

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Starting Down the Surgical Rabbit Hole

Last week I met with my oncological breast surgeon. It was fun! No, really, it wasn’t too bad. I got to wear the most amazing outfit during the exam. I need to do a ‘Fashion of Tata Cancer’ post soon. I missed getting a picture of one of the most amazing outfits - MRI, I looked like a genie - but most of the time I do take a picture because, well, why not?

 

Back on task. Surgeon. Appointment. Last week. We discussed my ultrasound and went over the pictures. The tumor appears to be collapsing in on itself. Great! It’s getting smaller. Everyone is happy.

Amanda laughing while wearing a gown that goes all the way to her ankles, sitting on the doctor's table, holding her arms out to show how giant the robe is.
Yes. We laughed at this entirely too much.

 

Next, we talked about removing my ovaries. I now have an appointment next week for that. Score. I imagine that the OB/GYN office will want to take a look at the parts in question. Another outfit, maybe?? The goal currently is to get the tatas and the ovaries gone at the same time. I want to avoid additional surgeries if I can. No one seems to be arguing that they’ve gotta go. In fact, my genetic counselor wants them gone before I’m 40. No better time than the present.

 

Last, we discussed what to do with the tatas. We can just chop, gone, flat. I could choose to reconstruct in the future if I wanted to. That might be a little different chop, chop than if I just want to tell them sayonara, ciao, bye! Anyway, I am also meeting with a plastic surgeon in January. Per the Facebook cancer group I’m in, it’s one of the top DIEP flap surgeons in the area.

 

I imagine I’ll have to work out a lot in the month between finishing treatment and whatever I choose, though. I get so tired so easily, walking the dogs is about the extent of my workouts. I haven’t gained or lost weight, but I’ve lost muscle. At least that’s what my clothes are telling me.

 

Got off track again. The factors for me for surgery:

 

  1. Recovery time. Going flat, around 4 weeks, should be good as new. DIEP flap, 4-8 weeks maybe?
  2. Surgeons in one place. Flat plus ovaries out, two surgeons. Add plastic surgery? Three surgeons, or two surgeons and another surgery later that might be more complicated due to scar tissue/belly button relocation involved in DIEP flap.
  3. Complications. I could walk out of either surgery perfectly happy with the results and go on my merry way. Or I could walk out and have to walk back in once, twice, several times. For the DIEP, there could be revision surgeries. AKA - my left tata and right tata don’t match at all.. Halp. (halp is help, FYI). I have read horror stories. I’ve already about pain involved with going flat. It’s something to think about.
  4. Body confidence. Am I confident in my ability to handle no tatas or am I willing to wear prosthetics? I do plan to go check them out soon. There’s a store nearby that sells them and helps you fit them. I just want to ask them questions.

 

That’s about it. I kind of just want to get back up and running as soon as possible. Get back to work. Get used to my new normal. Go hiking again. Go through early menopause. Start taking whatever I’ll need to take for that.

 

Yeah. This sucks. All of it.

Last note for US readers - have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!! Everyone else, enjoy Thursday!!! I’m spending the day and through the weekend with family and friends. I’m prepared to put on my mask if anyone is sick, though. Sigh.

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The ACA vs. Obamacare

They’re the same thing.

 

Enrollment dates are November 1-December 15. Enroll now at healthcare.gov.

 

Okay. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s define ACA. It stands for Affordable Care Act. It was enacted in March 2010 with the goal to make affordable health insurance available to everyone in the US. It was to do this through subsidies, or tax credits, and also through the expansion of Medicaid. The goal was to lower health care costs. We all know that’s not happened yet.

 

Except for us. Ours are perhaps going lower next year. We do not participate in the ACA, although we have used healthcare.gov to look at available plans in the past. For 2020, looks like we are going with a ‘silver’ plan. The premium will go up around $60, but once we hit the deductible - obviously going to happen - our overall out of pocket should be less in 2020 than it was in 2019. I guess no more gambling on cheaper insurances for me!

 

Focus. Sorry, I got off track a bit.

 

People in all 50 states can buy health insurance on the private market or via the marketplace (again, healthcare.gov). 

 

The Medicaid expansion is only currently available in 33 states and DC. I always was a little confused by why some states didn’t expand it. The Federal Government was offering ‘free’ money - yes, it’s being paid for by tax dollars, that’s what taxes do - to expand Medicaid in the bill. Several states have put the expansion on the ballot and it turns out people like having health care. Who knew?

 

I do know that the reason that the Medicaid expansion didn’t happen everywhere is becaus some states sued and the Supreme Court ruled they didn’t have to do the expansion if they didn’t want to. 

 

I’m looking at a map on kff.org and another on healthinsurance.org. It’s interesting where the expansion hasn’t occurred. Anyway! I live in a state that is trying to cover everyone, so that’s good. 

 

I will freely admit that I am of the belief that you shouldn’t only get health care because you can afford it, and that you shouldn’t have to use the emergency department of a hospital as your primary care doctor because you can’t afford to go to a regular doctor. This system drives up costs for everyone. And I am no more human than a single mother living on a shoestring budget. I don’t deserve health care more than anyone else. I’m just lucky enough to be able to afford it, even if the costs are prohibitive. I can plan my future income to compensate for the higher monthly costs. Many Americans are not able to do this. Not because they are terrible at budgeting - I’m not great with it, but I’m learning - but because they barely make enough to pay their monthly bills.

 

So, I hope you are able to sign up for health insurance! Because I had insurance and I was getting screened due to family history, we found my cancer in a ridiculously early stage. If I’d only waited until I was 40 to get screened? I don’t know. I’m sure the tumor would have been much larger, and perhaps would have started spreading to my lymph nodes at least.

 

Scary.

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Depression

I’ve been putting off writing this one. Let me start with: I’m okay. I’m loved and have a wonderful husband and lovely little fuzzy beasts to care for me. The only focus I have right now is beating cancer. Well, and getting the house fixed. Update: The front of the house is being torn off to fix the lintel and broken bricks. The previous roofer is slowly paying us back for the shoddy job. Things are progressing.

A beagle, a chi-mix and my husband who is asleep together on the couch.
Shhh.... don'tn wake him!

 

So, why am I writing this now? I learned this week that one of my classmates from high school has died. No, I did not know them well. No, we weren’t friends. But it appears that depression may have led to the ending of a life, and that’s not okay. My heart is hurting for everyone that cared about this person so much. I care. I don’t want this to happen to anyone. 

 

If you are having thoughts of suicide, you need help. Please call 800-273-8255 or visit suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

 

Per my quick google search and a visit to the National Institute of Health’s website, I found some sobering statistics. Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the US. 47,000 people died by suicide in 2017. 10-34 years old? It’s the leading cause of death. We hear about homicides, but there are more than twice as many suicides than homicides every year.

 

No one really wants to talk about it.

 

But… you just said you’re fine!

 

I am. Now. In the past? Maybe not so much. The farthest I would have ever gotten was suicidal ideation, or thinking about it. I liken it to when I wanted to run away as a child, but I couldn’t figure out how to carry all my books (I guess I’d be a runaway now since I could just take a tablet with me to read on! Ha!). Vanity always won out against the darkest thoughts, but only because the surest ways to end one’s own life are usually messy.

 

Gotta look good in that coffin.

 

This is hard to write. I’m happy I’m here today. I’m happy I’m handling depression well. I spent a short time around 2008-2009 on meds for my depression. I didn’t like them. I didn’t like that I couldn’t cry at my Mom’s funeral. They wouldn’t let me. So, I went off of them.

 

I saw somewhere recently that depression is “seeing humanity as an existential horror” or something along those lines. For me? That’s true. It’s easy for me to see all the wrong in the world. People are homeless in the US. Why? We have enough money to feed everyone and get a roof over their heads. There are wars going on. The war in Afghanistan is still going on, were you aware? Children die in horrific ways. Animals die in horrific ways. People treat each other like crap. The world seems to be spinning out of control.

 

So.

 

I focus. I focus on the things that I can control. I can control my reactions to things. I can spend time with my family and friends - apologies to friends lately, I’ve been hyper-focused on work and staying away from people mostly - and, yes, my work. My work helps me stay focused.

 

To reiterate, I am a stenographer. I found this career when I was 27 and started school at 29. That was 10 years ago. Now you know how old I am! Again. I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned that elsewhere.

A steno machine under a table, a laptop on the table, and a view of the stage at Wordcamp US.
I have such a cool job...

 

Prior to stenography, I worked in mortgage banking. I was an application taker, a mortgage processor, a mortgage underwriter, and worked in what I lovingly refer to as ‘executive complaints’. Yes. I sent the police to someone’s house once after he looked up my address and read it back to me over the phone. Moral: Don’t mess with me. I will embarrass you in front of your family.

 

For me, that career was soul-crushing. I was pretty good at it. Sure, I had to throw a fit to get a promotion - it worked - and then ran into a ‘trainer’ who seemed to have it in for me - I eventually overcame that one and got ‘approved’ yay… - but I wasn’t happy. It was super stressful work and made my depression worsen. I worked in mortgage banking from 2003-2009. Never again.

 

Now I’m a stenographer. A captioner, to be exact. I listen to the stories and learnings of others all day every day. Some days it’s very exciting. Captioning medical breakthroughs or the latest in tech. Art openings. Some days it’s very boring. Captioning a group editing a document or that time I almost fell asleep during chemistry class. I’ve taken chemistry like five times now. I could probably write it in my sleep.

 

Some days I learn and witness things I didn’t know and could have blissfully continued my life knowing nothing about. Training to be a captioner during Sandy Hook. Captioning The Central Park Five. 

 

In all of these ‘jobs’ as we call them, I learn and expand my knowledge. I never grow bored. I stay focused on my writing to ensure that the consumer has the best possible product. Sometimes I get my ass handed to me, but most days I’m right there providing 99.9% verbatim and and accurate captions.

 

While I don’t want to say captioning saved my life, I will say that it saved my sanity and probably my health. I am a weird one in my little world. I joke that I got nervous once right before a huge football game on national TV. I got nervous because it was a Big Ten game, although it wasn’t ‘my’ team - GO HAWKS! - but I managed to get rid of that nervousness and enjoyed captioning the game. Well, I still get nervous when taking tests, but I have initials behind my name now because I can write 225 wpm while shaking, apparently. I could edit that test - it only took me 10 minutes. Ha!

 

If you’ve made it this far, you’re probably like… what were we talking about?

 

Depression.

 

If your brain is wired that way, it’s a never-ending fight. If you’re confused about what it is, you’ve probably never experienced it. I’m glad for that. I hope you never do. It’s not just a sadness. Sadness can stay forever, but it’s still different. Don’t dismiss it. If someone comes to you for help, they really need it. Most people with depression will suffer in silence. I know I did. Outwardly, they may look happy. Life is great. All happy. Happy happy happy!! Look at me!

 

It’s a hidden disease. No one knows how many people suffer from it, because it’s not talked about enough. And those going through it? It’s easier to just curl up in a ball and wait for the day to end and go to sleep rather than get help. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

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Shrinkage? Yes, Please!

Yesterday I had my typical pre-oncology appointment blood work and then an ultrasound. I had to argue a little to make sure that I got the right ultrasound, but in the end, both tatas got the goop. Next time, it appears we will only need to scrutinize the right tata, AKA “The Offender.”

 

Fine with me!

 

Today was oncology. Some of my counts are a little weird, but my oncologist is only concerned about my magnesium at the moment. Guess what I get to take?? Magnesium supplements! Don’t be jealous. I’ll have to look up what the side effects are of those. Diarrhea is one for sure - oh! Joy.

 

But the big news teased above! We have more shrinkage!! The initial measurements for my larger tumor (the little one is kind of a non-issue at this point, which is good) were: 1.9x1.1x1.6.

 

As of yesterday? 1.3x.9x.8!!!

A beagle and a chi-mix on a little bed. The beagle looks a little concerned.
Is this bed shrinking...?

 

It’s getting smaller. I’m responding well. As a reminder: We are looking for response to drugs before surgery due to the aggressive nature of the type of cancer I have. If it comes back, we need to know we can fight it. It’d better not come back. But if it did, we would just beat it again.

 

If you want to know more, I’ve explained it all previously near the beginning of this blog. Look at stuff from July 2019.

 

This is the happy post! I’m going to be writing a less happy post soon. Maybe tomorrow, maybe for next week. We’ll see. But it must be done. It will talk about depression and I started it on August 2nd. I was feeling hopeful then, and I’m feeling hopeful now, but sometimes things don’t seem as hopeful because my brain - maybe your brain too? - is really good at self-sabotage.

 

Luckily for me, I’ve gotten much, much better at redirecting it toward positive thinking. And hope. Having hope for the future is so very important. Hoping that things you are doing now are helping others.

 

Anyway! Today? We be happy!!!  Go shrinkage!!!

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My Knees Have Chin Hairs

Got your attention? Excellent!

 

I’m serious. One of the things I’m not allowed to do is shave. I’ve discovered exactly how hairy I am as I come up on three months of no shave time. I’m not that hairy. But I’ve only let my leg hair get to the ‘flowing in the wind’ stage once in the last five years. I’m at that stage and a bit beyond. I’m at the ‘static is making them stand straight out’ phase I guess. It feels a bit odd.

 

Why can’t I shave? Well, I could be anemic. Anemia is bad when you cut yourself since it causes the blood to not clot so hot. Also, I could not be that anemic and knick myself and possibly introduce infection into my body.

 

Infections are always bad. Currently? Much more so.

 

Yes. I got my flu shot. Pushing husband man to get his ASAP as well. And since he’s my proofreader, he’ll see this first! Haha!

 

My travel on Halloween was just fine. I observed that a TSA agent had dressed as a TSA agent and she responded: Nailed it! Yep. She did. It was totally on point.

 

The job was nice. It was nice to meet some new coworkers and see friends I’d met at other events like this one. I was a little tired most of the time, and I feel like I’m pretty antisocial most of the time lately. Apologies if I was not as bright and cheery as usual. I hadn’t had my B12.

 

I also got to meet up with friends from college on Sunday! That was nice. Especially since college was, oh, 17 years ago now? Something like that.

 

Overall I had a fabulous weekend. I’m thinking that is my last trip away from home before surgery and stuff, unless I can slide something in early next year between appointments.

 

Ah. Appointments. Next week will be blood work - at least it’s only once a month now, so I have some available for them - and an ultrasound and my oncology appointment where my oncologist pokes around and still can’t feel anything. It’s required by the clinical trial that I get my tatas prodded one or two times a month.

 

The week after that I’ll have my first real appointment with my surgeon. I’ll have to start making decisions. I’ve been reading about things and looking things up and getting freaked out and going back and forth. Still no implants for me. Not my jam. But do I consider reconstruction and the longer recovery time? Or not?

 

Pros of reconstruction: You have tatas.

 

Pros of ‘going flat’: You can wear different size tatas on different days when you see the same people and confuse the hell out of them.

 

We shall see.

 

This week, not much to report. I’ve had trouble sleeping a few nights. Could be anxiety. Could be my chocolate is a vegetable diet. Who knows. And every morning I wake up and have to blow my nose at least six times to get all the snot out. I know you wanted to know that. Anyway, that prompted a google search and now I see that there is, in fact, research relating mucus to breast cancer and other cancers.

 

Who knew?

 

Maybe all this snot is the cancer being expelled from my body. I kind of like that idea. A really strong sneeze? Cancer is cured! Sweet.

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Nothing to Report

Health-wise, anyway. I’ve been doing okay. Part of my plan is avoiding people mostly, except I’m throwing that out the window this weekend for one last big onsite captioning job before I finish treatment - hopefully in February - and have surgery - probably in March. I’m excited about the job, but also know I need to still avoid anyone that shows any signs of illness. I can’t get sick.

 

One more trip for the ninja mask! And on Halloween, no less. Perfect.

 

Other than that, we… got a new roof. Our previous roof was put on in October 2018. Two bids later - one for $3,000 to replace the obviously leaking part, and the other for $9,000 to put on a new roof because they felt that the whole thing was deficient, and we have a new roof. We ended up paying an additional $800 for plywood and things due to all the damage. The roof had more damage than it had when we’d gotten it replaced last year.

 

WTF?The roof of the house partially open because the workers are replacing plywood before they put the shingles on. Also, our giant red spider for Halloween is in the foreground.

 

We are starting the process to get compensated from the first roofing company, but in the meantime, I’m sitting on two roofs on my equity line. Hopefully nothing else breaks or we’ll need a bigger line.

 

Again. Thankful for friends who helped with my deductible. That might have been on the equity line and then I’d have to get much, much more creative to pay for a second roof in two years. Anyway, wish us luck. I don’t want to have to get mean about the crap roof job, but I'm prepared to. Which is why my husband is handling it currently. Angry Amanda is not something you want to experience.

 

Yesterday we got our downspouts from the house correctly routed to the street so we can avoid flooding out the neighbors. Oops. That was just over $3,000. That will be paid for by the insurance monies we had received to fix the inside of the house from the water damage most likely caused by the crap roof.

The side yard all dug up and new pipes being installed.

The inside will get done eventually. At the moment? Focus on fixing the exterior of the house so that we can feel safe inside for the winter.

 

Next month we get to pick out our new insurance plan. We received the notice of if we do nothing what our insurance will be. Oh! The premium is going down by around $20/month. But. The deductible is going up $500/person per year. The math tells me that the cost is still going up on that plan, although it is fairly minimal. We will check out other plans using the comparison tools on the Marketplace. Talk more about that soon.

 

Time to work and then pack before heading off tomorrow. I hope everyone has a good Halloween! I’m sad I’ll miss handing out candy this year.

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Our Home: The Foundation of a Country Song

Our roof is leaking. I mentioned this one before, I think. We’ve gotten one quote, awaiting another. The first one is around $3,000 to fix the spot that needs fixing. The second roofer said that the original job is so bad, they just want to redo the whole thing.

 

We will be asking the original roofer for our money back. This is ridiculous. Stay tuned on this one.

 

We need to get the brick front of our house fixed. It’s cracking, probably due to settling, but not severe enough for our mine insurance to kick in (yes, we have insurance to cover damage from mines - most of western Pennsylvania was mined at one point or another). Cost? $3,000-$7,000. Depends on if the lintel is damaged or not.

 

Let’s aim for no lintel damage. Steel is expensive.

 

Last, we have two downpipes that needs re-routed. That’s another $3,000. We want it done right and it involves trenching and all sorts of fun stuff. Anyway, what the hell. Might as well just do it.

 

We bought an older home. It was built in 1964. We’ve been trying to make sure it’s taken care of, but holy crap. Anyway, we will pay for this slowly over time. This is the kind of stuff I’d like a foundation to help people with. Not everyone can draw on credit or be able to finance this kind of stuff. Cancer shouldn’t make you have to make a decision between leaving your home a wreck or selling it and paying your medical bills. No illness should make you have to make decisions like that.

 

I’m forever grateful for the help that we had to meet deductibles this year from friends, family, and strangers. I wish I had been diagnosed and treated earlier in the year though. Health insurance resets January 1.

 

I’m holding out hope that perhaps my cancer will reset too!

 

Not counting on it.

 

This is the next stressor too. Right now we pay $695.26 per month for health insurance. That covers two people. We are not eligible for any subsidies and buy on the private market since I am self-employed. Each individual deductible is just under $7,000 for each of us. I’ve met mine. Let’s not ask my husband to meet his. Then there is an additional $1,000 or so that is is ‘out of pocket maximum’ - the only reason I haven’t met that is my clinical trial is paid for by the drug company. I meet with my surgeon next month. Let’s see if I can hit that goal! ...that I had no intention of hitting. Oh well.

 

November 1st the new plans become available. Obviously, I’m going to meet my deductible again. So, we have to do math. It’s possible that going with a much higher monthly premium will actually save us money over the long run. I guess this is some excitement to look forward to? Because we haven’t had enough lately.

 

I will put up information on the health insurance marketplace after November 1. If you are needing to buy on the private market, it’s a good place to start because you can easily compare plans.

 

I’m glad I have been able to keep working. We will make it through this little hump, I’m sure. It just really sucks.

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Two Months Down.

Four to go.

Arthur the Chihuahua mix making a very funny face.
Not cool, Mum.

 

Yep. I’m two months into my treatment. Monday of this week, I gave the phlebotomist half of my blood supply that she extracted into 10 vials. She did advise me that some people have even more vials - I can’t imagine. It did take two pokes, which was the first time she’d had to do that. But it’s okay. Hopefully we are only at monthly sticks from here on out instead of every two weeks.

 

Okay. I’ll admit it. I cried a little after I left on Monday. Two pokes was not what I wanted that day. It’s weird how the little things can kind of make you more upset than the whole overarching, “I have cancer” thing sometimes.

 

Tuesday was a visit to the oncologist. By that time, I had much of my blood work results back. My RBC is lower than it was 15 days ago and on the low side of normal. No one seemed particularly concerned, but I think if they stopped stealing all of my blood, maybe it’d go back to normal? The oncologist still felt nothing. I’m secretly glad that I didn’t miss a lump or bump - I was terrible at doing self-checks.

 

I don’t bother with self-checks currently. I have professionals for that.

 

So, two months of treatment are in the rearview mirror! What does that mean? Instead of every 2 weeks, I get to go to the oncologist every 4 weeks instead. Yay! They’re very nice in the office, but I hope to just pass all my tests and do what I’m supposed to and have no surprises. This is the next part and we are moving on to it as expected.

 

Of course, November will also be the real beginning of my surgery talks. On November 11th, Veterans Day, I’ll be at month three almost. I’ll have blood work that morning and then we drive downtown and park at the hospital parking garage again. I note this, because I’m curious if anyone else will hit our car in there again. I think I forgot to mention - there was a new dent after our last visit down there. Not that it matters. It’s on the same side as the dents I put on it and the car is getting older. Battle scars.

 

Back to the narrative. That day I will have my first full ultrasound downtown. I am moving my ultrasounds from where I have been getting them to the hospital just to make it easier on my surgeon/I didn’t want to go for two ultrasounds in one week. One of which I’d have to pay something for most likely. My clinical trial covers all of the required ultrasounds. It just so happens that I have one due the same week I had one scheduled for my surgeon to review. Sweet.

 

That’s the Monday. Tuesday, November 12th, oncologist appointment! That will be the halfway point of my treatment. Let’s hope the numbers stay steady. November 18th is back downtown for my first real surgical consult. I have to make a decision soon. I still am 100% sure I do not want implants. They require upkeep, and I don’t like the idea of foreign things being added to my body if it’s not medically necessary. So, do I just go flat with no reconstruction? That is the fastest recovery time. Or do I go for the more invasive surgery which is like a tummy tuck but instead of just getting rid of the fat, they make you new tatas? It has a longer recovery time for obvious reasons. You’re being cut open in more than one place. And the surgery will be much longer.

 

I’m lucky I live in a place where this second option is an option, though. Not every plastic surgeon is capable of doing this type of surgery.

Fall colors in a field with blue sky and a few clouds overhead.
The neighborhood is starting to show fall!

 

I’ve looked at pictures of both. The reconstructions look pretty good most of the time. Except… it’ll still never be 100% normal. I’ll never be 100% who I was before. It’s weird to think about.

 

On another note: Happy Fall!

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Stuff Keeps Breaking

I’m doing okay. I had blood work and oncology appointment last week. Didn’t ask for my results and they haven’t been posted. Oncologist still hasn’t felt a darn thing. In particular today I feel a little bleh. I’m assuming RBC and maybe WBC counts are starting to go lower. Especially RBC. It was already low last appointment, and my blood pressure was low for me. Oh well.

 

So, what keeps breaking? Oh… the house. We had a contractor fix the old damage from the roof leaking. We’d replaced the roof in October 2018, so better late than never!

 

Except. Then it rained, and our year old roof leaked. It opened up some of the cracks in the ceiling again - the ceiling is vaulted to it’s easy to see because it basically runs along the roof line - and bubbled some of the paint.

 

And while looking at that in despair, we also notice damage around and under the window on the inside of the house. We had the mortar on the front of the house patched last year for what we thought was just normal wear and tear. Nope. Or yes, but worse than we thought. Our lintel above the garage is probably sagging. We had noticed that the repair work done last year was starting to open up. It needs to get fixed.

Our front yard decorated for Halloween. A skull tiki torch in the foreground, a giant red spider, a scarecrow, and the creepy white lady. A blue sky with a few clouds overhead.
At least the spider finally came out! Maybe she was holding the house up?

 

Good luck finding anyone to call you back to fix stuff like this around here. We did get one company who said they’d get us a quote - time will tell.

 

We called our insurance company and they sent an adjuster out. They will help cover the inside repairs, although we have no idea to the extent of repairs needed around and under the window on the inside. They will not cover any of the exterior repairs. Our roofer is coming out Thursday or Friday this week - the leak happened on Monday - to hopefully fix it once and for all. So, that’s good. But we are on the hook for whatever repairs need to be done to the front of the home.

 

I’m glad I took out more than we needed in an equity line when we were needing the roof. I’m hoping the costs won’t be excessive, but not holding my breath.

 

See, life doesn’t stop when you have cancer, or any other illness. It just keeps going. Stuff keeps breaking. It’s frustrating. I’m glad we can fix this. Other people have to make a choice that should never have to be made: Do I fix my home, or do I pay for my meds? Or fix this, or eat? Fix this, or pay my bills?

 

So, while this is a huge inconvenience, we will get through it.

 

We need changes so no one has to make a decision between taking care of their health, or taking care of their home and family. I don’t think just because someone makes enough money to pay their bills or has enough friends who want to help them stay afloat that they have any more right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

 

But until such a time that health care is not a for-profit business, we will need to help each other. I really hope I can help others soon.

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