Category: Uncategorized

Is as follows: Clinical Stage 1 invasive ductal carcinoma; grade 3; triple negative – HER2 negative. 2 centimeters in size.

What in the hell does that mean?

Stage 1 – caught early. They’ll maybe be able to figure out how long I’ve had it. Probably 2-5 years? Maybe?

Invasive – just as it sounds. It’s gone beyond where it should be and invading the surrounding tissue.

Ductal – it started in my milk ducts. If I’d used them for their proper purpose – feeding babies – would it have never started? We’ll never know. That’s the fun part about cancer. No one knows what the hell actually causes it.

Carcinoma – medical term for cancer.

Grade 3 – also called ‘poorly differentiated.’ The cells look very different than the surrounding cells, and disorganized and divide quickly. My cancer is scatterbrained. Just like me!

Triple negative – my cancer is negative for estrogen receptors, progesterone receptors and excess HER2 protein. Basically, my cancer will not respond well to hormonal therapies.

What is a HER2 protein? Human epidermal growth factor 2. It’s a gene that they know plays a role in breast cancer development, but is also part of healthy breast cell growth. Mine is broken or something. This type of cancer is aggressive, but usually responds well to treatment I have been told. I’ve also read that is the case. Suggested reading sites: breastcancer.org and breast360.org

What are the treatments? Based on the current size? Maybe chemotherapy + surgery. Or It could be surgery + chemotherapy. Or…? These are things that will be coming in the future.

What kind of surgery? Lumpectomy or mastectomy? We will talk through this. I’m going to do whatever makes the most sense. If chopping them off is the best bet? Ta-ta, tatas! The people who love me don’t care as long as I get better. 

I will also be getting genetic testing to look for the BRCA genes. They are BRCA1 and BRCA2, BReast CAncer gene 1 and 2 – someone was very inventive on the naming of these. Respect. This testing is not standard with breast cancers but I am not standard. I am under 40, family history, etc. and stuff.

Terrified. Angry. Ready to fight it.

I live in the United States. Part of the fight is navigating through insurance, making sure procedures are covered, knowing that I have private insurance and still have to pay the premiums every month even if I’m not working because I’m too sick.

Sure, I could make my husband go back to work to bring in money to pay bills and stuff. I don’t want that. I want him here helping me with this fight and taking care of things like being at appointments and calling the insurance company when I don’t want to and continuing to do all the little things around the house that need to be done and making sure the dogs are fed and walked. Being present if I need anything.

I’m lucky. Very, very lucky. I’m not rich, but I have enough set aside that this won’t break us. Delay retirement? Absolutely.

I’ll also be in fear of the federal government in the US passing laws that allow insurance companies to deny coverage to people with pre-existing conditions or allowing them to charge us more. I have said for several years now that I would rather pay more in premiums throughout the year so that everyone is covered and I never have to choose insurance or see a bill. Even if you aren’t sick, choosing a plan can be a pain. We gambled a little by going with lower monthly premiums. Doing a comparison it showed that even if had gone with the higher premiums, the out of pocket would be about the same.

Gamble lost.

But only because I have a family history of cancer and have been able to get mammograms since I was 29 years old. I’m 38. Forever grateful to my sister. Happy she’s still here because she found a lump and was able to get help and assistance through Medicaid. Socialized healthcare.

Stage 1. Caught early. I can do this.

The pushback I get is weird to me. I don’t understand the “I got mine” mentality of so many people here. Great! You’re successful! Many people are not as successful, but they work as hard as or harder than you. Your ability to survive a survivable diagnosis or not go bankrupt in the process should not be based on your insurance and how much you can afford to pay in deductibles and things.

I hate that this is the first thing I am thinking about. Do I go ahead and hit our savings/retirement accounts? Or do I use our home equity line? Or do I hit the credit card offer I just got for 0% for X amount of time and then pay it off later, hoping that the markets have recovered? I might do that because that card is only in my name. So, if things get out of control only my credit is ruined and I won’t hurt my husband’s credit or add debt onto our house.

This was not part of the plan.

We just paid the car and home insurance for a year. Property taxes are due in September. Mortgage, utility bills, student loan – I could probably defer that – food, gas… copays.

Again, I’m lucky.  I could wipe out my debt by hitting my retirement. Except I want to retire someday. I want us both to retire someday.

This is the American way.

It’s not the right way.